It takes a special breed of people to take it upon themselves to open their homes permanently to a stranger. They spend a great deal of money, jump through legal an bureaucratic hoops and sometimes wait for years before that new stranger/family member becomes a resident in their home.
Such however is the norm for people who choose to adopt. They come from all social demographics and income levels, and yet they have one thing in common, the desire and determination to share their hearts and homes with a child who needs a home and parents to love them.
Some people adopt because they can’t have children of their own, so they opt to give a home to a child who has no genetic connection to them. Others have birth children and want to open up the family to children who have lost theirs. Some feel the heart tug towards children with special needs. Others still take in the child of an extended family member who is no longer in the picture when it comes to parenting.
It is becoming more popular for people to look outside our borders for children who need a home. The process for adoption is sometimes quicker and less expensive than adoptions here in the US, but that’s not always so. While there are children in the US who need homes, their actual living conditions are not always as dire as those of children in developing countries. We must not forget that there are children in our own communities suffering from abuse, neglect and an otherwise hopeless future who need homes as well. That may be the reason why people feel compelled to try to save at least one of these little ones from a life many of us would be horrified to consider.
Then there are the children born to parents trapped in the world of substance abuse. Often these children are born with medical issues themselves and are sometimes immediately placed within the state welfare system. It can be a challenge to find a family willing to take such a child in to their homes and hearts. Thankfully there are people who do.
One such family here in Spartanburg did just that. They welcomed to their hearts a little girl, whose mother had serious issues of her own. The parents had already raised a family and were now grandparents, but they could not ignore this child. To hear the story of Doc and Debbie Rhodes and their little princess is heartwarming. Their heroic act of love and their devotion to their children, all of them, is a welcome sight.
Then you turn and see one of the sons of Doc and Debbie. Dave Rhodes is married with two beautiful girls of his own. His wife Kim went on a mission trip to Haiti a few years ago and fell in love with a little baby boy she met in an orphanage. He had been dropped off by an extended family member after the boy’s mother had passed away.
The Rhodes family began the arduous task of trying to adopt this child. It took two years and a devastating earthquake to speed up the process. Last weekend he arrived to meet his new big sisters. Yes, this second family made national headlines, but that was not their intention or desire. They just wanted to give this child a home filled with love, something they had been waiting to accomplish for a long time. Circumstances are what caused this family’s story to be noticed by the media.
I don’t know how else to honor the love and dedication of people like the Rhodes family and many others like them other than to try to put it into words. According to Doc, they don’t consider themselves heroes. He told me “I wouldn’t consider any of us heroes. In our case our reward has already been far greater than any sacrifice. I would just think of us as followers of Christ doing what Christians should do.”
He is right of course. The actions displayed by these two families show the wonderful attributes that can and should be demonstrated by the Christian faith. Even if they don’t, I still consider the Rhodes family’s actions heroic as they meet the definition of people who strive for a just cause, demonstrating bravery, nobility and strength. For that reason I consider you adoptive parents and grandparents superheroes. I bet your kids would agree.
Sylvie Galloway
mom, hairdresser, writer, who is trying to stay one step ahead of marauding dust bunnies.
None of us adopts to be heroic, we adopt because we know we have a child waiting for us. Here’s the quote from George Eliot that I always kept in mind during our much-too-long wait, and it sustains me through other stuff as well: “Love does not make all things easy; it makes us choose what is difficult.”
Anne, mom of one home-grown and one adopted…
I agree Anne.
Both of my children came to me through adoption. It really bothers me to be referred to as heroic. If anything, I was selfish. I wanted a baby, a child, a family and my body was unable to accommodate that. Do I think adoption is noble? Sure. But I also think any loving home for a child is noble – whether you added the genes or not. Love makes a family, not blood or adoption papers.
I realize Miss Mom has orphans in mind in much of her article, but in most American adoptions, there is another hero: the birthmother who places her child into an adoptive family. I know that the decision is anything but “giving up” as popular parlance seems to call the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking decision to give one’s child a better chance at life than the mother is able to give at that particular point in her life. I hold the two young women that gave birth to my children in my heart every day. They gave me a chance to do what I was not able to do with my own body: build a family. I’m not a perfect mom and I make mistakes, just like everyone else. My kids didn’t get rock-star lifestyles, but they are loved more than they can ever know. I know I love them more than words can say and I am certain their first-mothers, birth-mothers, whatever label you want to put on them love them, too.
Thank you both for your insight. Both your comments brought tears to my eyes, and I value and highly respect your views. I struggled mightily to come up with the right word to use to describe people like yourself. I couldn’t find just the right word, so I settled for hero.
You’re right P303. Birth mothers who give up a child do something difficult and quite brave. It is a difficult and heart wrenching choice they make. I faced that option myself once upon a time, but instead took the decision of raising my son myself. I couldn’t face life without him.
You are right that your actions aren’t what many would consider heroic. Adoptive parents do what any other parent would do, clean up dirty faces, cook acres of mashed potatoes, wash enough socks and underwear to fill a stadium, and tuck sleepy kids into bed every night. No one I talked to thought they were heroic in their choice to make part of their family a child not of their blood. As an outsider to the the steps you took to bring your baby home, I had a different perspective. I also tried to put myself in the eyes of a child wanting a parent. Still I struggled, just how to portray this aspect of parenting, yet I wrote it anyway. I couldn’t NOT write it.
Of course I think Parenting itself can be an act in heroism. Who else would change diapers filled with substances that seems impossible to have come out of a person so small and cute. Who else would willingly sit through hours of t-ball practice, ballet recitals, trips to the pediatrician? Who else would brave getting behind the wheel of a teenager with a brand new learner’s permit more then once?
So thank you for reading, and even if you disagree with my choice of terminology, you still have my deepest respect.