Week three, and the final installment of What kids Can Teach Us has us learning a little about sharing. We all know kids can be as the most selfish little cuties on the planet, but they can also be the very ones who can teach us that stuff doesn’t matter near as much as we think it does.
This past Halloween, my granddaughter Helene’ was dressed up in an adorable bunny costume and was taken around the neighborhood so she could trick or treat. She quickly learned that saying “Twick or Tweet” was part of the ritual along with “Thank You.” but not necessarily in that order. She was taken to a total of three houses before her mother pleaded exhaustion, and they spent the rest of the evening handing out candy. I don’t really blame her. Toddlers in oversized bunny costumes, hyped up on skittles, and who have said “twick or tweet” 128 times in the time it took to walk up a single sidewalk would exhaust anyone much less a mommy expecting child number two.
They tried to get Helene’ to help give candy to the children who passed through. Helene’ would pick up a piece of candy, look at the kid, then the candy then would either put the candy back in the bowl or just hold on to the piece. It was like she knew that she had a piece of yummy candy and was wondering why everyone wanted to give it away instead of letting her eat it herself.
Being a toddler, one of her favorite words after “no” is “mine”. She was upset just last night because my cat Chernobyll got a whiff of Helene’s little slice of pizza and was trying to sneak a bit of cheesy goodness. Chernobyll was trying to be subtle in her pizza stalking and failing miserably at it. Helene’ was trying to move away from the persistent pizza loving feline who was just wanting to share. The cat knew quite well that Helene’ has often willingly been the source of an otherwise forbidden snack. Both my cat and my granddaughter are very gentle, non-violent souls, so it took removing the cat from the room to resolve the situation.
In her little world, everything belongs to her, even if she does call it Meymey’s blanket, Nana’s toothbrush, Pappy’s shoes or Mommy’s purse. She sincerely expects you to share with her, especially when you have something to eat. Your lap is her lap, and she doesn’t like sharing it with anyone, especially the cats. Your television is her television as that is where all princesses can be seen yearning for their prince. Your bed is her nap spot, or if she catches you at a weak moment her above ground trampoline.
Yet the same child that goes “Mine! Mine! Mine!” when another child wants her stuffed pig, is the same one that will freely share with you or others something no questions asked. Toddlers especially are great at sharing. In fact, they expect you to want to share with them. They want you to play with them, to share their cookie with you, no matter how mushy it has gotten, and will gladly allow you to help her read a book. They will hand you a toy so you can play with them, or hand you their sippy cup so you can taste her their juice. As they get a bit older, they will share their lunches at school, seats on the bus, and will allow other children to use an extra pencil when the lead breaks.
As they reach the teenaged years our children will willingly trade clothes, shoes, toys, cd’s, lunches and games using a simple barter system that entails one simple rule. “I will let you have this for awhile, if you can let me have this for awhile.” Time limits are often forgotten as is just who is the original owner. The only downside to this simple barter system is that sometimes Mom or Dad’s things get included without our realization, or until we see your child’s friend wearing the blouse you thought you’d lost three months ago.
One of the great things about kids and sharing is that they don’t really expect anything in return for their being generous with another. They don’t keep score as to which of them is being the most giving when it comes to sharing, except when it comes to sharing chores or who is getting the bigger portion of ice cream. Even then they don’t maintain a list of just how things were doled out to whom and in who’s favor. Unless they were my kids, but their score keeping was pretty lousy, and they knew it.
Whining about chores or ice cream portions doesn’t compare to watching your kids on a rainy afternoon with a box of beaten up crayons and a single coloring book, peacefully creating art while passing each other the orange when the one is done with it. At that moment they don’t care who is using that crayon more then the other or even if one of them gets done with their page first. The other patiently waits, and even helps finish filling in the blank spaces. Once the sun comes back out and they can go outside, they run to the swing set and take turns going down the still wet slide to the waiting muddy puddle at the bottom. Getting dirty is the goal, it doesn’t even matter who goes first.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if we adults could share like that?
Sylvie Galloway
mom, hairdresser, writer, who is trying to stay one step ahead of marauding dust bunnies.
